Please correct my writing. Thanks

emsr2d2 said:

You still haven't answered the question above.

Click to expand...

I do not exactly remember word for word for that prompt.
However, it is essentially something like "some believe that doing group activity is better for essential life skills than doing activity in solo" Do you agree or disagree? To what extent?

I'm not asking you for the exact wording of the prompt. I'm talking about your essay. You said you took the exam last week and that essay was part of the exam. Does post 1 of this thread contain an exact copy of the essay you wrote for the exam, or have you given us a rough approximation of what you wrote in the exam? If it's not an exact copy, there's really no point our commenting because we won't be looking at the same text as the people who are marking your exam.

I've read the whole thing, and it's remarkable in that you don't really say anything.

The above is not a good response I'm afraid. The given topic is not a particularly difficult one; thus, the examiner would expect an able candidate to take a clear position (agree or disagree) and to write a couple of persuasive paragraphs to support that position. You failed to do that.
Also, the topic sentences of your body paragraphs are terrible! You were told on several occasions here on this forum not to unnecessarily complicate your phrasing. Unfortunately, you've ignored this advice.
I don't want to dishearten you, because I know you are genuinely trying to improve your writing skills, but I really think you should listen to what we've been advising you to do.

You seem to be completely unwilling to divulge if this is the wording of the essay you submitted as part of your exam. It's a waste of our time to keep commenting if we don't know that. I'm closing this thread. Read post #24 very carefully and if you want to start a new thread, go ahead. Bear in mind, though, that we will still need to know if you wrote this exact essay for your exam.