Can you please review my cover letter?

Hi,
I'm applying for a master's degree in embedded computing systems. I have time until the 25 of January. I'm very nervous and I wrote this:

___________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Dear admission committee members,

When deciding on a problem to solve as part of my final project, I discovered the importance of visually inspecting cracks in asphalt roads and how there were no available solutions in my country that could fully automate the assessment process. Even though it was a difficult problem to tackle, which required advanced knowledge of machine learning and artificial vision, I was finally able to design a system capable of detecting and locating asphalt road cracks by researching existing papers and testing possible solutions. During my research, I learned that today, neural networks are being integrated into embedded systems to solve real-life problems. This certainly drew my attention, and I would like to continue studying these topics by pursuing the European Master in Embedded Computer Systems (EMECS), since it would allow me to expand my knowledge about embedded systems and machine learning.

In my first job related to electronics I worked as professor assistant in subjects like analogue electronics or electricity at the university. This brought me closer to different professors, that by sharing their knowledge, allowed me to learn additional topics, which were often not taught in ordinary lectures. Furthermore, while working, I achieved the highest grade point average of the faculty of mathematical, physical and natural sciences in the year 2021. This achievement caught the attention of the former director of the department of electronics and the president of the students’ centre. They agreed that I would be a great candidate for the departmental council because I had good relationships with students and professors. So, when elections came in 2022, I ran for that position and got elected. This opportunity allowed me to get more in contact with the needs and problems that students and professors face every day throughout the semester and try to propose solutions to the council. I am proud to say that one of my suggestions to update a subject's topic had a positive effect.

One of my main motivations to become an electronic engineer was the fact that I would be able to solve tangible problems using digital systems that interact with the environment. Consequently, along my studies, I participated in different projects that allowed me to apply what I learned. My first project was the implementation of a real time operative system in a field programmable gate array (FPGA) that could read data from sensors and send it through a port. Working in different multidisciplinary research groups gave me the opportunity to learn how electronics can be used in different areas such as civil engineering, by calibrating a concrete test tube press, or in medicine, by developing alongside neuroscientists a wearable device to help people with essential tremor. My current job involves programming small embedded systems that are distributed along a city and measure the quality of internet service. Therefore, subjects offered in this master's degree, such as Machine learning for signal processing or Synthesizing and optimizing microelectronic systems, could greatly impact my career.

I believe this master's degree would allow me to broaden my knowledge in embedded systems and offer me the opportunity to explore how these tools are being used to solve practical problems and improve human life. This experience will bring me the opportunity to work in cutting-edge facilities and interact with people from varied backgrounds who may have different points of view, enriching my own knowledge and strengthening my soft skills. Additionally, as I aspire to keep studying, EMECS would be the door that opens up the possibilities for the pursue of a Ph.D.

Thank you very much for considering my application and taking the time to read this letter.
Yours faithfully,

__________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

I wanted to know if you could check if it is well written and if I cover the following points: Please upload a short letter of motivation. Describe your background and why you are applying to EMECS.
The description is quite vague, but I tried to keep it short in order to fit it in one page. There are many examples on the internet but I tried to keep it as personal as possible. Any advice, recommendation or critique is greatly appreciated. Thanks for your help and for the time spent on doing this.

Do you mean that the deadline for submitting your application is the 25th of January?

Have you looked at the other threads in this section? (It's probable that every problem with this one has been addressed already.)

Yes that is what I meant, and yes I looked for a few other motivation letter in this thread that served me as inspiration. I just wanted to know of it was well written. Thanks

EmanuelACM said:

Yes that is what I meant, and yes I looked at a few other motivational letters in this subforum, and they inspired me. I just want to know if mine is well written.

Click to expand...

It's a huge chunk of text to look at. I imagine it would take me at least a half an hour to work on it. (Probably longer.)

Ok , I saw many posts with longer letters and thought length wouldn't be a problem. Could you at least check the first and last paragraph?

When deciding on a problem to solve as part of my final project, I discovered the importance of visually inspecting cracks in asphalt roads and how there were no available solutions in my country that could fully automate the assessment process. Even though it was a difficult problem to tackle, which required advanced knowledge of machine learning and artificial vision, I was finally able to design a system capable of detecting and locating asphalt road cracks by researching existing papers and testing possible solutions. During my research, I learned that today, neural networks are being integrated into embedded systems to solve real-life problems. This certainly drew my attention, and I would like to continue studying these topics by pursuing the European Master in Embedded Computer Systems (EMECS), since it would allow me to expand my knowledge about embedded systems and machine learning.


I believe this master's degree would allow me to broaden my knowledge in embedded systems and offer me the opportunity to explore how these tools are being used to solve practical problems and improve human life. This experience will bring me the opportunity to work in cutting-edge facilities and interact with people from varied backgrounds who may have different points of view, enriching my own knowledge and strengthening my soft skills. Additionally, as I aspire to keep studying, EMECS would be the door that opens up the possibilities for the pursue of a Ph.D.

Thanks in advance

I would say:

This certainly got my attention.

And:
.
improve people's lives

Dear admission committee members,

When deciding on a problem to solve as part of my final project, I discovered the importance of visually inspecting cracks in asphalt roads and how there were no available solutions in my country that could fully automate the assessment process. Even though it was a difficult problem to tackle, and it required advanced knowledge of machine learning and artificial vision, I managed to design a system capable of detecting and locating asphalt road cracks by researching existing papers and testing possible solutions. I learned that neural networks are being integrated into embedded systems to solve real-life problems, and I would like to continue my research in this area by pursuing the European Master in Embedded Computer Systems (EMECS), since it would allow me to expand my knowledge about embedded systems and machine learning.

In my first job related to electronics, I worked as assistant professor, teaching subjects like analogue electronics at [ 1] University. Furthermore, I achieved the highest grade point average in the Faculty of Mathematical, Physical and Natural Sciences [ 2] in 2021. This achievement caught the attention of the former director of the Department of Electronics and the president of the students’ centre. They agreed that I would be a great candidate for the departmental council because I had good relationships with students and staff. Thus, I ran for that position in 2022 and got elected. This has enabled me to be more in touch with the needs and problems of students and professors, and to try to propose solutions to the council. I am proud to say that one of my suggestions to update a subject's course material has had a positive effect.

One of my main motivations to become an electronic engineer was that I want to devise tangible solutions using digital systems that interact with the environment. Consequently, throughout my studies, I participated in different projects that allowed me to formulate several innovative and practical solutions. My first project was the implementation of a real-time operative system in a field programmable gate array (FPGA) that could read data from sensors and transmit it through a port. Working in different multidisciplinary research groups gave me the opportunity to learn how electronics can be used in different areas such as civil engineering, by calibrating a concrete test tube press, or in medicine, by developing in cooperation with neuroscientists, a wearable device to monitor patients with essential tremor. My current job involves programming small embedded systems that are distributed throughout a city and measure the quality of internet service there. Therefore, subjects offered in this master's degree, such as machine learning for signal processing or synthesizing and optimizing microelectronic systems could greatly enhance my career.

I believe this master's degree would allow me to broaden my knowledge in embedded systems and offer me the opportunity to explore how these tools are being used to solve practical problems and improve human life. This experience will bring me the opportunity to work in cutting-edge facilities and interact with people from various backgrounds who may have different points of view, enriching my own knowledge and strengthening my soft skills. Additionally, as I aspire to keep studying, EMECS would be the initial step for me to pursue a Ph.D. later on.

Thank you very much for considering my application and taking the time to read this letter.

Yours faithfully,

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[ 1]: In your letter, say the name of the university. For example: “Cambridge University”.

[ 2]: Is that at that same university as in point [ 1] above? Also, are you still there now?