Infidelity, or ‘cheating’ is a big problem for a marriage or any relationship.
Whichever side the problem is on, more often than not there are multiple causes for infidelity in marriage. One of the most important things to remember is this:
Don’t throw blame around right away
Obviously you are hurt. But getting angry, calling names and arguing does nobody any good, and will probably eradicate any chance of salvaging your feelings for each other and your marriage. Be understanding – confront the problem, but try and find where the root of it lies. Of course a less than healthy sex life will most often be the cause of infidelity in marriage. Cheating is not the answer though. Remember,
Be open when you talk about sex
Ask your partner if there are problems for him or her in your sex life. Identify that cheating is not the answer and try to come up with solutions. If you can’t do this yourself you may want to seek guidance from a friend, or professional counselling.
If you can be calm enough to bring the problem into the open like this then you are well on the way to having a chance at being happy together again and functioning well as a couple. But if infidelity in your marriage has left your relationship cold, or bitter, or full of anger, the best thing you can do is
Give each other some space
Give your relationship some air. Infidelity may result from feeling suffocated or bound by your marriage, and if anger arises the best thing you can do for yourself and each other is to simply not see each other for a while.
In the best case scenario, the pair of you can deal with your unconstructive emotions on your own, and realise that infidelity is not the end of the world – if you still want to be together afterward then your marriage can be saved. If not, it may be that you cannot deal with infidelity in marriage after all and it is time to move on from each other.
Hopefully this is not the case. Hopefully you can deal with infidelity in your marriage yourself, being mature and thinking about the long term. But if you know you can’t deal with this problem on your own, but yet you still want to be together, if you are in between the two extremes as it were, then here are some tips and steps to follow to get your marriage back on track:
Worst case scenario
You catch your partner in the act with their lover. This is really the worst thing that can happen to your marriage, and you may think it is the end. But do not let each other go without confronting the topic.
It may be that your partner has engaged in acts of infidelity during your marriage several times, or with several different partners: if this is the case your partner needs to see what it is like without you. It may sound harsh, but it is harsh to cheat.
Again, give each other some space
Don’t storm out and give them an excuse to think they have the upper hand – say that the best thing to do right now is to give your marriage some space and time to deal with the problem. If, after some time, things settle down and you think your marriage is worth getting involved again, call your partner, or see them, try again.
If things feel better then you need to get a promise from your partner, establish some ground rules, and find out where the problem is coming from and what can be done to deal with infidelity. If you make it this far, you are on the road to recovery – it won’t be easy for you are your partner, but if you love each other, it is worth it to try.
Now say that you have found evidence, whatever it may be – text messages on your partner’s phone or over social networking sites, clothing, anything that appears to you as evidence of infidelity.
What you need to do is confront the problem and your partner – do not be rude or incite anger or try and pick a fight – that will not lead to any good outcome for either of you. Ask plainly about whatever you have found and ask for an explanation.
If there is a valid explanation then great- stop worrying! But if you think there is reason to doubt, and you know your partner better than anyone – you know when they are lying. If they lie you have a real problem.
Again, becoming angry or bringing up old arguments will not solve the problem. Stay calm but be forceful, tell your partner things have to change and you cannot stay together if things continue in this manner.
Tell them you want to deal with infidelity in marriage and admit that it may be on both of your parts where the problem lies.
The main things to remember when dealing with infidelity in marriage are these:
Think about the situation rationally, and give yourself time to think about it.
Remember how long you’ve been together, how you have felt and feel for each other and how much effort you have put in to the relationship.
You don’t want to throw away years of good marriage over one mistake – that is all it may be! If things aren’t going well in the bedroom, talk about it! Confront your problems or they will only grow bigger.
If you really want to deal with infidelity in marriage and overcome the problem, you can do it together. Be positive and think about the good things that have come out of your relationship – this doesn’t have to be the end!