General IELTS writing task 1

I am preparing for IELTS. Can you check my letter below to see how I responded? (It's my first letter)

Given task:
Your local council has decided to close the only park in your town and build a car park in its place. You believe this will have a bad effect on the people who live and work in the town. Write a letter to the mayor. In your letter:
- Introduce yourself;
- Explain why you think the decision is wrong;
- Say what you think the council should do instead.

Write about 150 words in an appropriate format and style.

You can use this page for any rough work.
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My letter:
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Dear Sir,

I am Abc Abcd who has been living in this district since was born. I am writing to express my dissatisfaction with building a car park in place of the park.

Having seen and heard other citizen of our neighborhood, I am totally certain that the decision of constructing a car place is an extremely wrong decision, because if you do so, there will be no other entertaining places to have fun with one’s family or friends. It might be negatively affected on the people, separating them with that nice place.

I believe that keeping the place and also redecorating it further would be nice idea because if you do so, the level of satisfaction of the people would not only increase but also contribute to the overall well-being of our town.

I look forward to hearing from you a positive response about the park and hoping you will not disappoint us with bad news.

Your sincerely,
Abc Abcd

Welcome to the forum.
Note that I have moved your thread to our "Editing & Writing" section.

teechar said:

Welcome to the forum.
Note that I have moved your thread to our "Editing & Writing" section.

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Thank you. I'm practicing my writing on my own and I would appreciate any help.

By the way, do you have another profile on this forum?

teechar said:

By the way, do you have another profile on this forum?

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Yes, I had one, but I couldn't use it properly because my English level was low at that time. Now, my level is Intermediate, and I have created a new account. Could you please check the letter above for me?

Before we check your letter, you need to decide which account you want to continue with. You can't have two accounts on this forum. Do you want to keep this account (Introvert)?

teechar said:

Before we check your letter, you need to decide which account you want to continue with. You can't have two accounts on this forum. Do you want to keep this account (Introvert)?

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Yes

Dear Sir/Madam, [ 1]

I [ 2] am Abc Abcd who has have been living in this district all my life (25 years). since was born. I am writing to express my dissatisfaction with building the plans to build a car park in place of the our local park.

[ 3] Having seen and heard other citizen of our neighborhood, I am totally certain that the decision of constructing a car place is an extremely wrong decision, because if you do so, there will be

If we lose our park, we will have no other entertaining place to relax, enjoy nature and the outdoors, or have fun with one’s family or friends. [ 4] It might be negatively affected on I have no doubt that the disappearance of the park will not be welcomed by the people in our community. , separating them with that nice place.

…

[ 5]

Your faithfully, sincerely,

[ 6] Frank Lee Abc Abcd

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[ 1]: The mayor could be a female.

[ 2]: Do not write your name at the start. The reader will find it at the end of the letter.

[ 3]: That is waffle and it is badly written too! You should write concisely and focus on presenting interesting/clever ideas.

[ 4]: If you want to improve your writing, you should read as much as you can. Here are some resources which you might find useful:







[ 5]: The question mentions a car park. You can write a short paragraph to provide an alternative arrangement about where the car park can be built.

[ 6]: Write an actual (fake) name, not “abc”.

Fix your letter, and repost it below when you are ready.

Wow, shame on me. There are lots of mistakes.

Introvert said:

Wow, shame on me.

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Not at all. We all make mistakes. The important thing is to learn from them and not repeat them.

Introvert said:

There are lots of mistakes.

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That's okay. Don't beat yourself up about that. Try to fix the mistakes, and as I said, read as much as you can. That is the best way to improve your writing skills.
We await your revised letter.